Tuesday marks the 91st birthday for Kim Novak, the star of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1958 film Vertigo, who walked away from Hollywood over five decades ago.
“She’s spending her birthday having a picnic on her property with friends and lots of fudge,” says her longtime manager and close friend Sue Cameron.
Life is sweet these days for Novak, who lives quietly on the Oregon coast, surrounded by her beloved horses.
In honor of her 91st birthday, read on for an interview from 2021 in which Novak shared why she left Hollywood and found her true self.
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Over 50 years ago, Kim Novak, the enigmatic star of Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, walked away from Hollywood. The woman who had once been the No. 1 box office draw in the world put her belongings in a van and drove north, first to Carmel, California and then two decades later to Oregon, to live her life as an artist.
“I had to leave to survive,” she tells PEOPLE. “It was a survival issue.”
“I lost a sense of who I truly was and what I stood for,” says Novak in a rare interview to talk about her new book, Kim Novak : Her Art and Life. published by the Butler Museum of American Art.
“I fought all the time back in Hollywood to keep my identity so you do whatever you have to do to hold on to who you are and what you stand for,” she explains.
“I’ve never done one of those tell-all books that they wanted me to do for so long, and I thought this is the kind of book I’d like to do,” she says of her art book. “Actually, I had written my autobiography and it was almost complete but I had a house fire and the house burned down and I made no copies. I just couldn’t go through it again because I had spent so much time. But it was okay because it was a catharsis just to do it.”
After starring in Picnic (1955) with William Holden, The Man With the Golden Arm (1955) and Pal Joey (1957), opposite Frank Sinatra, and Vertigo, with Jimmy Stewart, Novak was at the height of her career but still under the control of the studio.
As she writes in her book’s introduction, “I was both dazzled and disturbed to see me being packaged as a Hollywood sex symbol. However, I did win my fight over identity. I wouldn’t allow [Columbia Pictures chief] Harry Cohn to take my bohemian roots away by denying me my family name. Novak. I stood my ground and won my first major battle.”
Cohn wanted her to change her name to Kit Marlowe, telling her that audiences would be turned off by her Eastern European roots. She refused. In the late ’50s, she defied him again when she began dating singer Sammy Davis Jr. against his wishes and she fought to live her life as an independent woman.
“There was constant pressure to be seen and not heard,” writes Novak, “especially if you had a pretty face.”
“In Hollywood a lot of people assume who you are, because of the character you play, but also just because of who they expect you to be, how they expect you to dress,” she says. “It influences you because if you’re in some gorgeous sequined gown, you can’t run along the ocean and run on the beaches.”
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“I kept feeling like I was going deeper and deeper, lost in almost like a quicksand, where it’s swallowing you up, your own personality, and I’d started to wonder who I am,” she explains. “I realized needed to save myself.”
She found peace living and painting in the Rogue River Valley of Oregon and notes, “I needed the Pacific Ocean to inspire me, the animals, the beauty.”
“I wanted to live a normal life and a life with animals,” says the actress, who had always loved drawing and painting as a young girl growing up in Chicago. She was awarded two scholarships to the Chicago Art Institute before she was spotted by a talent scout on a trip to L.A. and her life changed course.
Once she left Hollywood, Novak returned to her twin passions: art and animals. “My teachers were the animals, not just dogs and cats, but other animals, horses and llamas, whom you have to meet half way, because they’re not ready to accept humans. I had to learn to win them over,” she says. “They understand a person who’s genuine so I had to become more real and that made me rely on my inner self — and that also encouraged me to paint. Everything seemed to flow from that.”
“You learn how to count on, not how you look, which is a big thing as a movie star, especially if you were recognized because of how you look,” she adds. “That can be a difficult thing when you change — but looks had nothing to do with it.”
She met second husband, Robert Malloy, an equine veterinarian, in the late ’70s, when he paid her a house call to treat one of her Arabian horses. She called him her “soul mate.” He died last December.
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“I don’t feel 87,” says Novak. “I don’t keep tract of the time. If I did, I’d be an old lady and I’m not an old lady. I’m still riding my horse. I stay as healthy as I can.”
In 2012, Novak revealed she’d been living with bipolar disorder. “I don’t mind being open about who I am because these are all characteristics which make you who you are, especially as an artist,” she says. “Now, of course, I have medication for it but the best medicine of all is art.”
She’s proud of her favorite films, including Vertigo and Bell, Book and Candle (1958), and has fond memories, especially of her friend and costar Jimmy Stewart. Says Novak: “He didn’t let Hollywood change who he was.”
“People can remember me in movies but I want them to see me as an artist,” says Novak, whose paintings were exhibited at a 2019 retrospective at the Butler Museum in Youngstown, Ohio. “What’s great about painting is, you become the director too. No one’s telling you how to do it. You get to direct the whole thing.”
“I’ve been influenced a lot by Hitchcock in my work because he did mysteries and at first glance, I want my painting to be a mystery,” she says. “I love being the director, the producer, the actor in my paintings.”
“This is who I am. I want people to see I was not just a movie star.”
Looking back, Novak says, “I’m so glad I didn’t do the tell-all book, where you write all about your love life. That wasn’t who I was. This book tells who I am. I just needed to be free.”
I Mourned My Wife for 5 Years – One Day, I Was Stunned to See the Same Flowers from Her Grave in the Kitchen Vase
I wasn’t sure if I was losing my mind or if something darker was haunting me. When I returned from the cemetery, the flowers I placed on my wife’s grave were waiting for me in the kitchen vase. I’d buried my wife and my guilt five years ago, but it felt like the past was clawing its way back to me.
The weight of grief never truly lifts. It’s been five years since I lost my wife, Winter, but the pain still feels fresh. Our daughter, Eliza, was just 13 when it happened. Now 18, she’s grown into a young woman who carries her mother’s absence like a silent shadow.
A concrete cross in a cemetery | Source: Pexels
I stared at the calendar, the circled date mocking me. Another year has gone by, and another anniversary was approaching. The pit in my stomach deepened as I called out to Eliza.
“I’m heading to the cemetery, dear.”
Eliza appeared in the doorway, indifference cloaking her eyes. “It’s that time again, isn’t it, Dad?”
I nodded, unable to find the words. What could I say? That I was sorry? That I missed her mother too? Instead, I grabbed my keys and headed out, leaving the silence to fill the space between us.
A calendar with a circled date | Source: Unsplash
The florist’s shop was a burst of color and fragrance. I approached the counter, my steps heavy.
“The usual, Mr. Ben?” the florist asked, her smile sympathetic.
“White roses. Just like always.”
As she wrapped the bouquet, I couldn’t help but remember the first time I’d bought Winter flowers. It was our third date, and I’d been so nervous I’d nearly dropped them.
A woman holding a bouquet of white roses | Source: Pexels
She’d laughed, her eyes sparkling, and said, “Ben, you’re adorable when you’re flustered.”
The memory faded as the florist handed me the roses. “Here you go, Mr. Ben. I’m sure she’d love them.”
“Thanks. I hope so.”
The cemetery was quiet, save for the rustle of leaves in the breeze. I made my way to Winter’s grave, each step feeling heavier than the last.
The black marble headstone came into view, her name etched in gold letters that seemed to shimmer in the weak sunlight.
A woman’s grave | Source: Midjourney
I knelt and placed the roses carefully against the stone. A pang of grief pierced my chest as my fingers traced the letters of her name.
“I miss you, Winter. God, I miss you so much.”
The wind picked up, sending a chill down my spine. For a moment, I could almost imagine it was her touch, her way of telling me she was still here.
But the cold reality settled in quickly. She was gone, and no amount of wishing would bring her back.
I stood up, brushing dirt from my knees. “I’ll be back next year, love. I promise.”
A bouquet of white roses on a gravestone | Source: Midjourney
As I walked away, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different this time. But I pushed the thought aside, chalking it up to the ever-present grief playing tricks on my mind.
The house was quiet when I returned.I headed to the kitchen, desperately in need of a strong cup of coffee.
That’s when I saw them.
On the kitchen table, in a crystal vase I didn’t recognize, stood the same roses I had just left at Winter’s grave.
A bouquet of white roses in a glass vase | Source: Pexels
My heart began to race, pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. I stumbled forward, my hands shaking as I reached out to touch the petals. They were real, impossibly real.
“What the hell? Eliza!” I called out, my voice echoing through the empty house. “Eliza, are you here?”
I turned around, my eyes never leaving the roses. They were exactly the same as the ones I’d bought, with the same slight imperfections and the same dewdrops clinging to the petals.
It was impossible.
A startled man | Source: Midjourney
“This can’t be happening,” I whispered, backing away from the table. “This can’t be real.”
I don’t know how long I stood there, staring at those impossible roses. The sound of footsteps snapped me out of my trance.
“Dad? What’s wrong?”
I turned to see Eliza standing on the staircase, her eyes widening as she took in my pale face.
“What’s going on, Dad? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I pointed at the vase, my hand shaking. “Where did these roses come from, Eliza? Did you bring these home?”
A man pointing a finger | Source: Pexels
She shook her head, confusion clear on her face. “No, I’ve been out with friends. I just got back. What’s wrong?”
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. “These are the exact same roses I left at your mother’s grave. Identical, Eliza. How is that possible?”
Eliza’s face paled, her eyes darting between me and the flowers. “That’s not possible, Dad. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I need to go back to the cemetery. Now.”
A stunned woman | Source: Pexels
The drive back to the cemetery was a blur. My mind raced with possibilities, each more unlikely than the last.
Had someone followed me? Had I imagined leaving the flowers earlier? Was I losing my mind?
Eliza was adamant about coming with me, but the ride was filled with an uncomfortable silence.
As we approached Winter’s grave, my heart sank. The spot where I’d carefully placed the roses was empty. No flowers and no sign that I’d been there at all.
A bare gravestone | Source: Pexels
“They’re gone. How can they be gone?”
Eliza knelt down, running her hand over the bare ground. “Dad, are you sure you left them here? Maybe you forgot—”
I shook my head vehemently. “No, I’m certain. I placed them right here, just a few hours ago.”
She stood up, her eyes meeting mine.
“Let’s go home, Dad. We need to figure this out.”
A young lady looking up | Source: Midjourney
Back at the house, the roses still sat on the kitchen table. Eliza and I stood on opposite sides, the flowers between us like a barrier.
“There has to be an explanation, Dad. Maybe Mom is trying to tell us something.”
I laughed. “Your mother is dead, Eliza. Dead people don’t send messages.”
“Then how do you explain this?” she shot back, gesturing at the roses. “Because I’m running out of logical explanations.”
A distressed man | Source: Pexels
I ran a hand through my hair, frustration and fear bubbling inside me. “I don’t know, Eliza! I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not… it can’t be…”
My voice trailed off as I noticed something tucked under the vase. A small, folded piece of paper I hadn’t seen before. With trembling hands, I reached for it.
“What is it, Dad?”
A note tucked beneath a bouquet of white roses | Source: Midjourney
I unfolded the note, my heart stopping as I recognized the handwriting. Winter’s handwriting.
“I know the truth, and I forgive you. But it’s time for you to face what you’ve hidden.”
The room spun, and I gripped the edge of the table to steady myself. “No, this can’t be—” I whispered.
A man holding a piece of paper bearing a message | Source: Midjourney
Eliza snatched the note from my hand, her eyes widening as she read it. “Dad, what truth? What have you hidden?”
The weight of five years of lies and guilt came crashing down on me. I sank into a chair, unable to meet Eliza’s eyes.
“Your mother,” I began, my voice cracking. “The night she died… it wasn’t just an accident.”
An upset man | Source: Pexels
Eliza’s sharp intake of breath cut through the silence. “What do you mean?”
I forced myself to look at her and face the pain in her eyes. “We had a fight that night. A big one. She found out I’d been having an affair.”
“An affair? You cheated on Mom?”
I nodded, shame burning in my chest. “It was a mistake, dear. A terrible mistake. I tried to end it, but your mother found out before I could. She was so angry and hurt. She stormed out of the house, got in the car—”
“And never came back,” Eliza finished, her voice cold.
A young lady looking at someone | Source: Midjourney
“I never told anyone,” I continued, the words pouring out now. “I couldn’t bear for people to know the truth. To know that her death was my fault.”
Eliza was silent for a long moment, her eyes fixed on the roses. When she finally spoke, her voice was eerily calm.
“I knew, Dad!”
My head snapped up, disbelief engulfing me. “What do you mean, you knew?”
Close-up of a shocked man | Source: Midjourney
Eliza’s eyes met mine, and I saw years of pain and anger burning in them.
“I’ve known for years, Dad. Mom told me everything before she left that night. I found her diary after she died. I’ve known all along.”
“You’ve known? All this time?”
She nodded, her jaw clenched. “I wanted you to admit it. I needed to hear you say it.”
A furious young woman | Source: Midjourney
Realization dawned on me, cold and horrifying. “The roses and the note? It was you?”
“I followed you to the cemetery and took the flowers from Mom’s grave. I wanted you to feel the betrayal and hurt she felt. I copied her handwriting and left this note with the flowers because I wanted you to know that you can’t hide from the truth forever.”
“Why now? After all these years?”
A stunned man covering his mouth | Source: Midjourney
Eliza’s eyes flicked to the calendar on the wall.
“Five years, Dad. Five years of watching you play the grieving widower while I carried the weight of your secret. I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Eliza, I—”
“Mom forgave you. She wrote that in her diary. But I’m not sure I can,” Eliza cut me off, her words a dagger to my heart.
A diary on a table | Source: Pixabay
She turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with the roses, the same roses that had once symbolized love, now an ominous reminder of the deceit that had torn our family apart.
I reached out and touched a soft white petal, realizing that some wounds never truly heal. They wait, hidden beneath the surface until the truth forces them into the light.
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