Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
Felix put his head in his hands and sighed. No matter how often he went through the monthly figures for his home handyman business, he couldn’t deny the facts. He was facing another shortfall this month
Felix notices his elderly neighbor laboring to trim her overgrown yard and runs to assist. As a thank you, she thrusts an odd antique box upon him; however, Felix finds himself in serious legal hot water when her attorney calls to demand an immediate appointment.
Felix was looking over his handyman business’s monthly accounts when he heard a lawnmower snarl. When he peered out his kitchen window, he was startled to see an old woman named Mrs. McAllister using her cane as a walking aid and straining to maneuver her lawnmower with one hand.
Mrs. McAllister was crimson in the face and drenched in sweat when Felix caught up to her. She turned off the lawnmower.
“Felix…Can I help with something, please?you with? She gasped.
“Please move aside so I can assist you! To be honest, Mrs. McAllister, your son ought to be assisting you with these household tasks. It’s wrong to leave your aging mother to struggle on her own.
Felix was invited inside for a drink of lemonade by Mrs. McAllister after a tiring morning spent mowing and raking the tall, wet grass. The dirty mess of cobwebs, dirt, and trinkets in her house astounded him. Felix thought that his generous neighbor was no longer able to care for herself.
“You go now, sweetie.” On the table, Mrs. McAllister set down a glass of lemonade.
“I also want this to belong to you. This antique has been handed down through my family.
Felix scowled at the metal container she extended for him. It was quite weighty and featured a curious set of dials on the lid.
“Mrs. McAllister, I don’t need a fancy gift for such a simple task.” Felix returned the box to her hand.
Mrs. McAllister cast a disappointed glance. She demanded he take something to make up for his worries and went to get his daughter Suzie an apple-filled grocery bag. She then groaned loudly and collapsed into her armchair, obviously tired.
Felix left Mrs. McAllister to rest, insisting that she phone him the next time she needs assistance. Later on in the day, Suzie hurried up to Felix, grinning with excitement.
“Look, Dad! I found something under the apples that Mrs. McAllister gave us!” She pointed out to him the same weird metal box. “I can’t open it, but I think these dials are a combination lock.”
“Suzie, I know you adore vintage puzzle boxes and stuff, but we’re not keeping this.” He extended his hand to grasp the package. “I will give it back to Mrs. McAllister.”
Felix insisted even though Suzie was furiously unhappy. With the box in hand, he marched back to Mrs. McAllister’s house, but she did not answer the door. He groaned in frustration and reached for the door handle. He stepped inside after shouting to Mrs. McAllister that he was returning her box safely.
The body of Mrs. McAllister was hunched over in the recliner. Her eyes were empty and unseen as they gazed at the wall.
“Mrs. McAllister!” Felix hurried to her side and yelled, but it was too late—Mrs. McAllister had vanished.
It wasn’t until much later that Felix noticed the box was in his pocket. He looked for comparable antique boxes on the internet on a whim. When he eventually located a match, he cursed.
This was a $250,000 box!
Felix couldn’t return the package even though he hadn’t wanted to, and Suzie’s future would be guaranteed by that sum of money. For the benefit of Suzie, he had to sell it. Felix put the box somewhere safe in the interim. Felix received an odd phone call a few days later.
“This is Tim, the attorney for Mrs. McAllister. I would like to schedule a meeting with you right away. Are you free right now?
Felix was cautious about Tim’s haste, but he agreed to meet the lawyer at a town cafe. He was interested as to why Tim wanted to see him, despite his discomfort. When he came and found Henry, the son of Mrs. McAllister, sitting at a table with the man who had to be Tim, his uncertainty only deepened.
Felix joined them, and Henry sent him a look. Felix, allow me to get right to the point. A priceless heirloom—a tiny box with few dials on the lid—has vanished from my mother’s home. Since you were the last person in her home, I wanted to give you an opportunity to act morally.
“You believe I took something from your mom?” Felix bellowed. “Mrs. McAllister gave me the box as a token of appreciation for mowing her lawn—a duty you ought to have performed for her!”
“You would never have gotten that box from Mom!” Felix was stabbed by Henry with his finger. It was commissioned from a renowned artisan by my great-great-grandfather, a well-known politician! There are just two in the entire globe! I’ll give you $1,000 for the box if you return it to me. Alright?
“No.” Felix got to his feet. “When I put it up for auction, you are welcome to participate in the bidding. Henry, good bye.
Felix took the box to a nearby auction house the following day to have it valued. Mr. Whitaker, a serious guy with a snobbish accent, summoned him to an assessment in a back room. Ellen, a woman, also joined them.
Mr. Whitaker stated, “I can confirm right away that the craftsman’s mark on the underside is genuine.” That implies, sir, that this is a really noteworthy piece. One of just two worldwide.
Ellen bent to look inside the box. That is really beautiful.Could you please show me your provenance paperwork?
“Pardon me?” Felix queried.
A muscle in the woman’s cheek quivered. “Any verifiable document that demonstrates the authenticity of the artifact and your ownership, or a certificate of authentication, must be provided.”
Felix lied, saying, “Uh…I left all that stuff at home.” He objected to the direction this appraisal had gone. After removing the package from the table, he made his way toward the door. “I’ll go get it and come back right away.”
“You cannot be allowed to do that.” Ellen moved to the side, obstructing his way to the door.
“We have a duty to report any…discrepancies involving objects associated with historical personalities to the relevant authorities.”
Felix went into a panic. He swerved to avoid the woman and Mr. Whitaker, then shot out into the corridor. As soon as he arrived at the reception area, an alarm went off.
Felix ducked and slid past guards who were scrambling to stop him, feeling as though he was back on his high school football field. He sprang away from the grip of one and bolted out of the building onto the street. From then, he ran until his legs were completely numb.
Felix walked his living room, considering what to do. In order to put money into Suzie’s future, he had to sell the box, but he needed some sort of paperwork to make it happen.
He wished he could find out from Mrs. McAllister. She would likely be able to supply the precise documentation he required to show provenance as well as know exactly what they were. Felix thought for a moment, thinking there might be a market for the box. He didn’t want to do it, but he was stuck with no other option.
Felix went through his toolboxes and picked out a few necessary items, then went to the garage to get his boltcutter. Felix broke into Mrs. McAllister’s residence after Suzie went to bed that evening in order to find the documents he need.
Felix felt a shiver run down his spine as he entered Mrs. McAllister’s bedroom. The smell in here was still hers. He forced himself to see into her personal space even though it felt intrusive and spooky. The light in the bedroom came on while he was halfway across the space.
“You’re not so mighty and high now, Felix?” Henry snarled from the entrance.
Felix pivoted. Felix had a flash in his eyes as Henry snapped pictures of him with his phone raised.
Felix covered his face with a raised hand. Henry, this isn’t how it looks. All I need is—
“I know the paperwork for the box.” Henry grinned. “The auction house contacted me after you attempted to swindle them since my family is known to have a link to that box. I told them, of course, that you took it.
“That is untrue!”
“But without the right paperwork, it’s impossible to prove ownership.” Henry filled the entryway with his stance, arms crossed. “Neither can you sell it. I’ll give you till tomorrow at eight in the morning to turn it in; if not, I’ll phone the police.
Felix took out running from Mrs. McAllister’s house as Henry moved aside. He was burdened by the implications he now had to face. The day he discovered Mrs. McAllister dead, he wished he had left the box at her home.
However, she had desired it for him! Felix didn’t think Henry would follow through on his promise to turn over the box. Ideas were flying through his head. He knew what he had to do by daylight.
He woke Suzie and instructed her to hurriedly pack her bags, then requested his mom to come over right now. They were all gathered at the front door a few hours later. Now that he had covered everything, it was time to say their goodbyes.
Felix handed Suzie the box. “As soon as you can, sell it. Please don’t accept anything less than $100,000 for it. The only way to escape this disaster and yet make sure you have the best possible life is to do this.
Tightly hugging his daughter, Felix fought back the tears that threatened to well up in his eyes. One of the toughest things he had ever had to do in his life was say goodbye to her.
“Suzie, I know you’ll have a wonderful life,” he added, gazing into her eyes. “Travel to see what the world has to offer and study hard so you can make something of yourself.” Observe your grandmother.Family is vital, and we should show respect for the elderly.
In the distance, police sirens sounded. Half an hour had passed since Henry’s deadline at 8:30 a.m. He had a suspicion that those sirens were pursuing him. He kept his eyes on Mom and Suzie as they pulled out of the driveway, hearing the police sirens becoming closer. When the police detained him, he found some solace in the fact that they were out of this mess.
Legal complications hampered the allegations against Felix, despite Henry’s threats. The absence of the box cast doubt on several crucial aspects of Henry’s case. Felix waited for his court date in a detention cell for four months. A guard informed him one day that someone had paid his bail.
Felix was genuinely perplexed. Suzie was waiting for him in the front portion of the prison, where he followed the man. Together, they strolled outdoors. Mom was waiting for them, parked at the curb.
Felix replied, “Okay, Suzie, I can’t wait any longer,” as they climbed into the vehicle. “What’s happening?”
“Well, I ignored your advice regarding the box.” Suzie gave a shy smile. Rather, I discovered how to open it. There was a note from Mrs. McAllister along with an authentication certificate inside. Dad, she genuinely wanted that package to belong to you. That was stated in the note.
Felix scowled. Suzie wasn’t done, so he didn’t have much time to consider Mrs. McAllister’s request that he take the box, even though he still didn’t comprehend it.
“I showed your lawyer the note, and after that, I brought the box containing all the documents to an antique dealer.” Suzie gave this big smile. “He gave us enough money to post bail, and we have an additional $100,000!”
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