Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
9 Differences Between Men and Women That Have an Unexpected Explanation
Today, we would like to talk about the differences between men and women. You might say that you’ve known about these differences for your entire life, but it’s not that simple. We are sure that we’ll be able to highlight a few facts you’ve never heard of before. And in the bonus section, you’ll find out where the fashion for high heels came from.
The length of fingers
Let’s conduct a short experiment. Place your hand on a flat surface and compare the length of your index and ring fingers. In general, in women, the index finger is longer. In men, the ring finger is longer. How can this be explained?
According to scientists, the length of these fingers depends on the level of male and female hormones that affect the fetus in the womb. So, the reason why the ring finger is longer than the index finger in men is testosterone.
The skin on the heels
Scientists have found out that women’s skin is more hydrated in the décolleté area and on the hands. Only the skin on their heels is dryer than that of men. So, in equal conditions, men’s heels will be smoother.
Breast
You might think, “Why would a man need nipples?” It might sound strange but every person was initially female. When an embryo begins to develop in the womb, the male Y chromosome doesn’t immediately start working.
During the first 5-6 weeks, development occurs only under the influence of the X chromosome, so the nipples have enough time to form. If the embryo is male, the Y chromosome “turns on” after this period of time, and a boy is formed.
Men can even produce milk. Lactation is activated under special conditions, for example, it may appear during treatment with the hormone prolactin.
Vision
Women are better at seeing colors, but men are good at tracking fast-moving objects. This is probably linked to our hunter-gatherer past when men were hunters and women were gatherers.
For example, an orange may appear redder to a man than to a woman. The grass is almost always greener for women because green objects appear more yellow to men.
Gaining muscle mass
Many women have to go to the gym regularly to have a toned body, while a man can just lift a barbell a couple of times to get a 6 pack. So, what is the “ingredient” responsible for muscle development? If you guessed testosterone, you’re right.
In women, it is also produced, but in much smaller quantities. So, it is easier and faster for men to gain muscle mass.
Hair loss
Going bald after the age of 50 is typical for around half of men (and for a quarter of women too). The reason for this is a widespread hereditary disease, androgenetic alopecia, which is also called “male pattern baldness.” Due to this condition, hair follicles shrink, and hair becomes thinner and shorter, and eventually disappears.
Follicle shrinkage can be caused by sensitivity to dihydrotestosterone, a by-product of testosterone. This means that the more muscle-building hormone a man has, the more likely it is that he will become bald.
Adam’s apple
Both men and women have an Adam’s apple, but it’s more prominent in men. Why? The Adam’s apple is the cartilage that protects our vocal cords. It is formed during puberty. Since adult men have larger vocal cords, their Adam’s apple is also more prominent.
By the way, the larger the Adam’s apple, the deeper the voice. There is a theory that our ancestors needed a low voice in order to scare away predators.
Brain size
A man’s brain is larger than that of a woman, but this doesn’t mean that men are intellectually superior to women. Also, some parts of the brain in both sexes are different in size and work differently. For example, the hippocampus, which is involved in learning and creating memories, is larger in women. And the amygdala, which is associated with experiencing emotions and remembering them, is larger in men.
Scientists conducted an experiment: they showed the subjects a video so that they could recall some personal experiences. It turned out that in men, activity was observed only in the right amygdala, and in women, only in the left one.
Beard
At first glance, it might seem that a beard doesn’t provide any benefits. So, why does it grow? There is a theory that the jawline looks more massive thanks to a beard, so its wearer looks stronger and more masculine. Perhaps, our female ancestors tended to choose men with a thick beard as their partners because they thought they would produce healthy offspring with them.
Bonus: Heels
Nowadays, high heels are one of the symbols of femininity, aren’t they? However, in the 17th century, Persian riders used to wear one-inch heels. And since owning horses was a symbol of wealth, heeled shoes also came to signify money and power. The Persians then brought their fashion to Europe.
The French king Louis XIV became a big fan of heels. He even issued a decree according to which only nobles were allowed to wear heels. The higher and redder the heel was, the more powerful the wearer was.
The Sun King only allowed those who he favored the most to wear red heels. But since the 18th century, heels have become a purely feminine attribute, although this didn’t stop rock stars like David Bowie and The Beatles from wearing them.
Which facts mentioned in this article were new to you? Tell us in the comments below.
Preview photo credit 16704029 / Pixabay
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