A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
School Bus Driver Drops Boy in Wrong Town, He Calls Mom Saying ‘I’m in a Dark, Dirty Room’ – Story of the Day
When my husband and I couldn’t pick up our son from school one day due to work, we asked Kyle to take the school bus home along with the rest of his classmates. However, things took a sharp turn when the bus driver made a mistake while calling out the bus stop locations.It was just an ordinary Thursday, or so I thought when I waved goodbye to Kyle as he left for school with my husband, Tristan. He wasn’t used to taking the bus since either Tristan or I usually picked him up from school. But work had us both tied up that day, so we called his teacher and told her he’d be taking the bus and that we’d pick him up from the bus stop as it was closer for us. She guided him on what he needed to do before boarding. “Alright, sweetheart, the bus driver is going to call out the names of the bus stops. You have to be alert and wait for him to call your stop. Okay?” Mrs. Patterson told him before Kyle boarded the bus…My baby was confident he could make it, as he had always seen himself as an independent child.”Thank you, Mrs. Patterson. I’ll be alert and wait for him to call out Pflugerville,” he said, hugging his teacher before boarding the bus. Then, he got to his seat, and the bus driver closed the door. Kyle knew that our house was a bit further than the rest of the kids, so he read a book while on the bus.
Although he knew the name of our neighborhood, he didn’t exactly know how the bus stop looked, as he’d never ridden the school bus before. After a couple of stops, the bus driver suddenly called out, “Pflugerville.” Looking around, Kyle realized he was the only one getting off at that stop. He thanked the bus driver, exited the bus, and found himself alone at the bus stop.”Dad? Mom?” he then called out. He didn’t have a cell phone, so he decided to sit, thinking we were just late. It was getting darker, and it was cold. Kyle started feeling scared and walked around the neighborhood, hoping to find our house. But he ended up lost. Then, while he was walking around, a dark figure suddenly appeared in front of him. Kyle started crying,afraid that he was about to be taken somewhere scary. To be honest, that day was hectic like no other. We didn’t realize how soon it was time to pick up Kyle. Tristan and I headed to the bus stop in the next town, expecting to see Kyle hop off with his usual bright smile. But as the kids disembarked one by one, the sinking realization hit us — Kyle wasn’t there. Panic set in when the bus driver approached us, his face pale. “I’m sorry, I made a mistake. I called out ‘Pflugerville’ too early. I drove back and looked for him, but…” he stammered. The anger and fear I felt were indescribable.
We promised to take action against this negligence, but our immediate concern was finding our son.As darkness enveloped the town, Tristan and I frantically searched the neighborhood, calling out Kyle’s name, hoping to find him. But we got no response. Our boy was somewhere, and we didn’t know where. Tears streamed down my face, the worst scenarios playing out in my mind. Then, my phone rang, cutting through the night’s stillness. “Mom?” Kyle’s voice, a mix of relief and fear, was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. “Sweetheart, where are you? Dad and I have been looking for you,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. He was calling from an unknown number. Whose number was that? “I’m with Frank. I’m in a dark, dirty room, but…”
The line went dead. My heart stopped for a moment. Had someone taken him? Who was this Frank? Without hesitation, we involved the police, who traced the call to a rundown part of town. We arrived at a decrepit shelter, where we found Kyle, safe but scared, with a beggar — Frank.Tristan and I were scared beyond words. Frank looked scary with his shabby appearance, and we thought he’d abducted our son. We were ready to unleash our fury at him for what we thought was a sinister act. Tristan almost raised his hand at the poor man. But Kyle’s voice stopped us in time. “Dad, Mom, why are you getting mad at him? You should be thanking him! If it weren’t for Frank, I’d be outside, freezing in the cold, or worse, someone could have taken me.” The realization hit us hard. Frank, this stranger who had nothing, had taken our son under his wing, offering him warmth and protection when he was most vulnerable. My heart swelled with gratitude and shame for my initial suspicions. Tristan and I immediately apologized to the kind man. Frank brushed off our worries and told us it was fine. “And that’s not all, Mom,” Kyle continued. “Using the money he had left, he bought me a sandwich instead of buying something for himself. He even gave me his blanket.”Tears welled up in my eyes, not just for the fear of nearly losing Kyle but for the kindness Frank showed him. That night, my husband and I treated Frank to a delicious meal at a local Chinese restaurant. Frank was overjoyed. “Thank you for this delicious meal. You really didn’t have to do anything for me. I was glad to help Kyle!” he smiled. “Something could have happened to our son if you were not there to save him, Frank. This is the least we can do,” Tristan said while pouring Frank another cup of tea. Tristan and I were so grateful for what Frank had done that we didn’t want to stop at just treating him to dinner. We wanted to make sure that although Frank was currently unemployed, he’d live comfortably.As Tristan worked for a large pharmaceutical company, he pulled some strings to get Frank a job at one of their pharmacy branches. We also made sure he had warm clothes and food while he adjusted to life as an employee. We wanted to ensure Frank’s future was as bright as the hope he’d given us. Ultimately, Frank’s life changed for the better, and he was able to move out of the shelter and rent a small apartment that was good enough for him to comfortably live in. He also excelled at his job as a security guard, and he enjoyed being able to work and interact with different people. Frank never thought that a simple act of kindness would change his life for the better. He had a stable job and a comfortable home and gained a good set of friends — all because he decided to help Kyle that day. Looking back, I realize how a moment of fear led to an unexpected friendship and a reminder of the inherent goodness in people. Frank, once a stranger, now holds a special place in our hearts.
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