I take it that everyone of us must navigate our own lives and take responsibility for our decisions? However, it is in our nature as humans to want to help friends who are actually in need. However, what would you do if your friend—the one you always stand by—started confiding in you about all of their issues, repeatedly, and with no sign of stopping? This Reddit member is exactly in that predicament. She wondered if she was managing the matter with her buddy correctly, so she looked to the large internet community for advice.
I(32F) am a single mother of two kids (6M and 5m F). I am a single mother by choice (my kids are donor conceived).
I am lucky enough to have a good job (French teacher in a private school), and a paid off house (parents’ life insurance and inheritance).
Before I had either of my kids, I made sure to have a year’s living expenses saved, then I would take a sabbatical to recover from birth, as well as bond with my kids. While on sabbatical, I still tutor some kids for some extra income.
My friend (34F), just had a baby 2 months ago. She is the breadwinner in her household, and her husband has been unemployed since he was laid off during COVID.
It was great to be pregnant at the same time, as well as having a friend with a newborn. But it has turned sour.
She has been saying how jealous she is of me being able to take off a whole year from work, how she would have loved to not worry about losing their home, how she doesn’t even have a couple hundred dollars in her savings account, let alone a whole year’s worth of living expenses….
I usually ignore it, or brush it off, because I kind of can understand the stress she is under.
Well, starting about 10 days ago, she started hinting at not being able to afford daycare, and any mention of her husband taking care of their kid is brushed off. Then she started remarking on how much free time I must have, which I deflected by saying -truthfully- that being a single mom to a baby and a small kid left me no free time actually.
Then last night she came out with it, and asked if I could “do her a favor” and watch her kid while she’s at work. I was firm, but polite, when I said that I couldn’t, that I am not capable of watching two kids under 6 months.
She started almost begging me, saying she can’t afford daycare, and if she is not back at work, she will lose her job, and they will end up homeless. I again brought up her husband, and she said that he was not good with kids, and isn’t capable of taking care of her kid.
I kept saying no, she kept pushing, until it escalated to her calling me heartless, and me telling her that it’s not my problem she chose to have a kid with a useless man.
Now she blocked me, I am feeling very guilty about what I said, and feeling like an AH.
Ways BFF Relationships Have Changed From The ’90s Versus Today
We all experienced that a person BFF escalating up in the ’90s
— that one particular particular person we’d have late-evening mobile phone phone calls with,
gossip with about how strict our parents had been, coordinate outfits with.
And when you think about best mates in the ’90s compared to nowadays, you notice that a whole lot has adjusted,
but the fundamentals remain the exact same: you however expend late evenings on the cellphone with your BFF
and you even now gossip with her. You also nevertheless coordinate outfits but then faux it was a total accident.
Actually, factors aren’t all that diverse just after all. We’re just older and drink way extra wine.
Best buddies are the siblings we by no means had. Or possibly we did have siblings
but we just did not like them incredibly considerably. Although your siblings stole your favourite
toys and ran all around exterior with your schooling bra on your head (*cough* happened to a friend…),
your very best friend was the a single you’d make prank calls with, and the shoulder
to cry on when you caught your crush holding fingers with some other chick on the playground.
We would not be the place we are with no our finest buddies
— both equally again in the ’90s, and to this day, even nevertheless times might have adjusted a minor.
1. The Fights We Get Into
In the ’90s: Your BFF thoroughly promised to take treatment of your digital
pet while you have been away on trip, and then she permit it die. You could not glance at her the exact same after that.
Right now: Older people really do not actually battle anymore. Alternatively,
we depart passive-aggressive comments on Fb and purposely really do not like every single other’s Instagram posts.
2. How We Make Up Afterward
In the ’90s: This was the pre-smartphone era so getting by a combat
with your BFF usually associated passing her a observe in class, full
with plenty of frown faces, dotting the i’s with hearts so she realized how
unhappy you had been with no her, and ending it with “LYLAS” — “love you like a sis,”
for everyone who forgot how we made use of to abbreviate stuff.
Now: The peace offering usually requires a $12 Starbucks espresso consume and a smiling selfie of you two collectively to put the previous at the rear of you.
3. Friday Night Entertainment
In the ’90s: We’d head to the mall and acquire faux nose rings from Claire’s, ideal prior to sneaking into an R-rated film. We were so terrible.
Now: Who goes out any longer? Not us. Give us anything on Netflix to binge watch and a bottle or 12 of wine, and we’re good to go. Can you say FriYAY?
4. Playing Wingwoman
In the ’90s: Right after deciding who the like of your lifetime was employing
the almighty cootie catcher, you’d phase a operate-in throughout science course, although your BFF kept other ladies away.
These days: Just about every BFF is aware the way to aid you obtain lasting appreciate: spending 14 hrs trying to find him on Fb with practically nothing but his center identify.
5. Squad Targets
In the ’90s: In essence, lifetime was all about acquiring a few a lot more women as cool as you so you could fake to be the Spice Women.
Now: Well, the superior information is you only need one far more person to do the One Ladies dance,
but you’re not significantly of a people particular person these times, so your BFF is additional than plenty of.
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