Who brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I’d have to outwit them… but on my own terms.
When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, we hit it off instantly. The connection felt real — the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when you see a new message notification. I grew to think that he was “the one,” but then when we actually met… well, let’s just say reality has a way of shattering our perfectly crafted illusions.
A woman holding a phone | Source: Unsplash
Three months of late-night texts and hour-long video calls had built up to this moment. Jacob wasn’t just another match; he was different.
While most guys led with cheesy pickup lines or bland “hey” messages, he had caught my attention with a detailed comment about my profile photo taken at Comic-Con.
“Is that a handmade Scarlet Witch costume?” he’d written. “The detail work is incredible!”
From there, our conversations flowed naturally. He listened, really listened, when I talked about my work as a graphic designer and my dreams of starting my own studio.
A woman using a computer | Source: Midjourney
He shared my love for true crime podcasts and could quote every episode of my favorite shows by heart. When I mentioned my sister’s battle with depression, he opened up about his own experiences with anxiety.
“I feel like I can tell you anything,” he’d said during one of our video calls, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.”
“Me neither,” I’d admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. “Sometimes I worry this is too good to be true.”
He’d laughed then, running a hand through his dark hair. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person. Friday at Coffee Beanz? 7 p.m.?”
A man using a laptop | Source: Pexels
“It’s a date! Finally!” I’d chirped, unable to contain my excitement.
“See you on Friday!” He said as I hung up, blushing.
I spent the entire week planning my outfit, finally settling on a gorgeous dress that my best friend Sarah insisted brought out my eyes.
“He won’t know what hit him,” she’d said, helping me style my hair.
Friday evening found me standing outside Coffee Beanz, smoothing down my dress for the hundredth time. Through the window, I could see couples enjoying their meals, soft candlelight flickering across their faces.
People in a cafe | Source: Unsplash
My hands were shaking slightly as I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the warm aroma of garlic and fresh bread enveloping me. My eyes nervously darted around in search of Jacob.
“Lia! Over here!”
I turned toward Jacob’s familiar voice, my practiced smile freezing on my face. There he sat, but not ALONE.
An older couple sat beside him, their faces beaming with smiles. My heart, which had been filled with excitement all day, sank to my stomach.
“Hey… um, hi, what’s going on?” I managed, my brain struggling to process the scene before me.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
Jacob stood up, his bright smile unchanged as if this was completely normal. “Lia, I’m so excited to finally meet you! These are my parents, Linda and Patrick!”
Linda, a petite woman with perfectly coiffed gray hair and gold earrings that probably cost more than my monthly rent, gave me a practiced smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Patrick, sporting a dress shirt that seemed a size too small for his frame, barely looked up from his menu.
“Sit down, girl,” Linda patted the chair next to her, not next to Jacob. “While we wait for our appetizers, I have a few questions for you.”
An older lady smiling | Source: Midjourney
I sank into the chair, still trying to make sense of this ambush. The waiter appeared with water glasses, and I found myself wishing it was something stronger.
That’s when Linda pulled out a crisp sheet of paper from her designer handbag.
“Now then,” she cleared her throat, clicking her gold-plated pen. “I’ve prepared a brief questionnaire to help us get to know you better. I want you to fill it out.”
Sheets of paper on a table | Source: Pexels
My eyes scanned the paper she placed before me, each question worse than the last:
1. What is your current annual income and five-year career projection?
2. Please list any medical conditions, including a family history of genetic disorders.
3. How many romantic partners have you had, and what were the reasons for those relationships ending?
4. Do you own or lease your vehicle? What is your credit score?
5. Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
6. Do you plan to work after having children? If so, who will provide childcare?
7. What is your stance on living with in-laws?
8. Are you willing to host special occasions like Thanksgiving & Christmas every year without expecting a penny from your partner?
A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels
The questions went on and on like a never-ending train carriage. My water glass stopped halfway to my mouth. “I’m sorry, but is this for real?”
“Of course it is, dear,” Linda replied, her tone suggesting I was being deliberately difficult. “Our family has certain standards to maintain. We need to ensure any potential partners for our Jacob are… suitable.”
My eyes darted to Jacob, waiting for him to jump in, to say this was all a joke. But he just sat there, examining his napkin as if it held the secrets of the universe.
A man sitting casually | Source: Midjourney
Something snapped inside me. Three months of building this connection, sharing hopes and fears, only to be treated like a job applicant? No. This called for a different approach.
“Would you excuse me for just a moment?” I smiled sweetly. “Ladies’ room.”
Instead of heading to the restroom, I ducked into the convenience store next door. Five minutes later, I returned with my own notebook and pen.
“Before I answer your questions,” I said, sitting down with renewed confidence, “I have a few of my own.”
A woman holding a piece of paper | Source: Pexels
Linda’s perfectly plucked eyebrows shot up in surprise as I placed the paper with my questions on the table. She picked it up and began reading loudly, her face speaking volumes of her anger.
“Question one: At what point did you realize your son wasn’t capable of choosing his own partner?”
Patricks’s face reddened. Jacob finally looked up from his napkin.
“Question two: How many women have actually completed your interrogation process? Or do most run screaming before the credit check?”
“This is completely inappropriate!” Linda’s voice pitched higher as she continued to read.
A furious older woman with a man | Source: Midjourney
“Question three: Do you also inspect their teeth like show horses, or is that saved for the second date?”
“Question four: When Jacob moves out of your basement, will you be requiring his future wife to submit weekly progress reports?”
“Question five: Have you considered therapy for your control issues, or is that too personal a question?”
“That’s enough!” Jacob slammed his hand on the table, making the silverware jump. “You have no right to disrespect my family like this!”
An angry man | Source: Midjourney
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Oh, but they have every right to treat me like I’m applying for a position at the FBI?”
“My parents are just looking out for me,” he protested, his voice weak. “They want what’s best— “
“No, Jacob. What’s best for you would be growing a backbone and living your own life.”
Linda and Patrick were already gathering their things, faces flushed with indignation. Linda’s hands shook as she stuffed her questionnaire back into her bag.
“We’re leaving,” she announced. “Jacob, come on. She’s not the one for you.”
“Wait!” I called out, loud enough for nearby tables to turn. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Side shot of a woman | Source: Midjourney
They paused. “WHAT??”
“Waiter, these people are trying to leave without paying their bill!” I announced loudly, waving to the waiter. “Guess running out on checks is another proud family tradition!”
The restaurant had gone quiet. Linda’s hands shook as she pulled out her credit card, practically throwing it at the waiter. I stood up, smoothing my dress once again.
“Well, this has been entertaining. I’ll cover my water.” I placed a five-dollar bill on the table and turned to Jacob.
“Good luck finding someone who meets your family’s rigorous standards. Although, you might want to try job recruitment sites instead of dating apps. I hear they provide detailed background checks and references.”
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
As I walked out into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed with a message from Jacob, “You didn’t have to be so cruel. My parents were just looking out for me.”
I typed back, “Just looking out for myself, mama’s boy. Goodbye!”
Later that night, Sarah called to hear about the date. After I finished telling her everything, she was quiet for a moment.
“You know what?” she finally said. “I bet Linda has a spreadsheet ranking all of Jacob’s potential wives.”
We both burst out laughing, and I felt the last of my disappointment melt away. Dodged a bullet? Absolutely. And I’ve never been so grateful for a red flag wrapped in a questionnaire.
A woman walking away | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
After Babysitting My Grandson, My Daughter-in-Law Handed Me a Bill for ‘Living Expenses’
When my daughter-in-law asked me to babysit for the weekend, I expected cuddles, cookie crumbs, and maybe a thank-you. Instead, I found a handwritten bill on the counter — for items I used while staying there! Shocked and furious, I plotted the perfect payback.
The text from Brittany, my DIL, buzzed in just as I was refilling the hummingbird feeder, my fingers sticky with sugar water.
A hummingbird feeder | Source: Pexels
“Hey, would you mind staying with Noah for the weekend? Ethan has a work retreat and I have a spa trip planned with my sister.”
I was a little surprised.
Brittany and I had never clicked, and she’d taken to complaining about “over-involved” grandparents since Noah was born.
A woman looking at someone | Source: Pexels
Her concept of boundaries reminded me unnervingly of the Berlin Wall.
But I didn’t hesitate. I love every second I get to spend with my grandson: his sticky fingers, the way he says “grahma” with a little squeal at the end that makes my heart squeeze.
“Of course,” I texted back.
A woman using her phone in a garden | Source: Pexels
“Everything you need will be ready. Just relax and enjoy time with him!” she replied.
I smiled, already mentally planning which cookies we’d bake together. Noah had recently discovered the joy of sprinkles — everywhere but on the cookies.
But when I arrived Friday afternoon, the house looked like the morning after a toddler hurricane.
A messy living room | Source: Pexels
Toys scattered across the living room floor created an obstacle course. The kitchen sink overflowed with dishes, and a crusty pan soaked in cold water on the stove.
“Grahma!” Noah squealed, running toward me with open arms, his diaper sagging.
I scooped him up, my irritation melting as he planted a wet kiss on my cheek.
A toddler boy | Source: Pexels
“Hey, Abby! Thanks so much for coming.” Brittany marched up the hallway, suitcase wheeling behind her. “There’s food in the fridge, Noah’s stuff is in his room, and, well, I’m sure I don’t need to map everything out for you.”
She leaned over to kiss Noah and was heading out the door before I could reply.
“Be good for Grandma, sweetie!” She called over her shoulder. “Mommy will be back soon.”
A well-dressed woman | Source: Pexels
“Mommy go bye-bye?” he asked, his big blue eyes — so much like his father’s — watching over my shoulder.
“She’s going on a trip, sweetie. We get to have a special weekend together.”
He nodded solemnly before wiggling out of my arms to show me his latest toy car.
A toy car | Source: Pexels
After he settled with his blocks, I went to the kitchen to make coffee.
That’s when I discovered that Brittany’s idea of “everything you need will be ready” differed vastly from mine.
There was half a carton of eggs in the fridge, no bread, and no full meals to speak of. I sniffed the milk: borderline.
An open fridge | Source: Pexels
“What on earth?” I muttered to myself.
It was bad enough that she invited me to stay in a house that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned all week, but to leave me with only a half-stocked fridge?
As I stepped back into the living room, where Noah was still playing with his blocks, I noted his sagging diaper once more and a horrifying thought struck me.
A child playing with toys | Source: Pexels
I took Noah to his room to change his diaper and discovered my worst fears were true.
Brittany had left me with only five diapers and not a single wipe. I’d been frustrated before, but now I was downright mad!
So, I did what any resourceful woman would do.
A thoughtful woman | Source: Midjourney
I gave Noah a toy to keep him busy and told him to wait right there.
Then I scurried into the main bathroom, took the lavender-colored washcloth I assumed belonged to Brittany, and used it as a wipe instead.
“Looks like we’ll have to do a load of laundry,” I remarked to Noah as I put on his fresh diaper. “But first, you and me are going to the store!”
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
“Store!” he agreed enthusiastically.
I grabbed my purse, strapped Noah into his car seat, and headed to the store.
$68 later, Noah and I had everything we needed: snacks, wipes, diapers, groceries, and a little stuffed elephant that Noah had hugged with such conviction I couldn’t say no.
“We make cookies?” Noah asked as we unpacked our treasures.
A young boy | Source: Pexels
“Tomorrow, sweetheart. First, let’s make some dinner and get this place in order.”
The weekend unfolded in a blur of small joys. We played in the park until our cheeks were pink from the wind, Noah shrieking with laughter as I pushed him on the swing.
“Higher, Grahma!”
“Not too high,” I cautioned, though I gave an extra push that sent him squealing.
A play area in a park | Source: Pexels
We baked sugar cookies, and I let Noah crack the eggs. He missed the bowl by a mile, giggling as yolk dripped onto the counter.
“Oopsie,” he said, his eyes wide.
“That’s why we bought extra eggs,” I winked. “Try again, sweetie. Practice makes perfect.”
Cookies on a baking sheet | Source: Pexels
We watched Finding Nemo under a cozy blanket, with Noah mouthing the words to parts he knew by heart.
And every night, I tucked him into bed, kissed him good night, and read him a story.
After he fell asleep, I tackled the house.
A determined woman | Source: Midjourney
I’d made it my mission to get the house in order, so I spent the rest of my evenings doing dishes and laundry.
My back ached, but it felt good to create order from chaos. Noah deserved a clean, peaceful home.
I even made a casserole for Brittany to have when she returned.
A baked casserole | Source: Pexels
Sunday night, after tucking Noah in with three stories and five goodnight kisses, I collapsed on the couch.
My feet throbbed, but my heart was full.
These moments with Noah were precious, fleeting gifts I treasured. Ethan had grown so quickly; Noah would too.
A thoughtful woman on a sofa | Source: Midjourney
Monday morning, sunlight was just warming the kitchen windows when I noticed the piece of paper pinned under a mug on the counter.
A handwritten note with my name on it; pink pen, loopy handwriting.
I smiled as I unfolded the page, expecting a thank-you, but instead got the shock of my life.
A piece of paper | Source: Pexels
It was a bill with an itemized list for “living expenses” that read like a joke:
Eggs: $8
Water (3 bottles): $3
Electricity: $12
Toilet paper: $3
Laundry detergent: $5
Toothpaste: $4
TOTAL: $40
And the kicker?
“Please Venmo by Friday. Thanks!! ❤️”
A woman looking down at something | Source: Pexels
I blinked.
Then I laughed. Then I got mad.
And that’s when I heard the front door open.
“Abby? I’m home.” Brittany’s voice carried down the hall.
A home hallway | Source: Pexels
I could’ve confronted her then, but I was so angry that I knew any conversation I had about her bill would end disastrously.
So, I scrunched the note in my fist and forced myself to smile as I stepped out into the hall.
“Hi, Brittany. I didn’t expect you so early.”
Brittany just shrugged. “How was everything?”
A woman speaking to someone | Source: Pexels
“Wonderful,” I answered truthfully. “Noah is a delight.”
“Thanks for helping out,” she said, her attention already on her phone. “Ethan should be home around noon.”
I gathered my things, kissed Noah goodbye, and left. By the time I arrived home, I knew exactly how I was going to pay Brittany’s bill.
A suburban house | Source: Pexels
I went straight to my laptop after entering my home, and let decades of parenting receipts flow from my fingertips. The more I typed, the more cathartic it felt.
This wasn’t just about $40.
This was about respect, about family, about what it means to care for each other.
A laptop on a table | Source: Pexels
A few hours later, I had a professional-looking invoice:
Grandmother Services, Est. 1993
Raising One Fine Husband for You Since Day One
SERVICES RENDERED:
18 years of feeding your husband: 19,710 meals @ average $5 each = $98,550
18 years of laundry services: 3 loads/week x 52 weeks x 18 years @ $5/load = $14,040
Medical copays for childhood illnesses: 12 years of pediatric visits @ $25 each = $3,600
A person typing on a laptop | Source: Pexels
Transportation services: 16 years of rides to school, sports, and friends’ houses: 9,000 miles @ $0.58/mile = $5,220
Counseling services post-high school breakup: 15 hours @ $75/hour = $1,125
Tutoring services (math, science, life advice): 500 hours @ $30/hour = $15,000
Emotional support (priceless, but let’s say): 18 years @ $10/day = $65,700
Subtotal: $203,235
Family Discount (because I’m feeling generous): -$203,195
Total Amount Due: $40
A woman with a satisfied smile | Source: Midjourney
Beneath that, I added a note: “Please deduct your original ‘invoice’ from this amount. ❤️ Thanks for understanding!!”
I printed it on fancy linen paper and slid it into a gold-trimmed envelope like it was a wedding invitation.
The next morning, I dropped it in her mailbox.
A mailbox | Source: Pexels
Not an hour passed before my phone rang.
“Mom?” Ethan’s voice cracked with what sounded like suppressed laughter.
“Yes, dear?”
“What did you do?”
A woman speaking on her phone | Source: Pexels
I feigned innocence. “What do you mean?”
“Brittany is… upset.”
“Oh?” I stirred my tea. “About what?”
“She says you’re attacking her, mocking her boundaries, and crossing the line. She showed me the invoice you sent.”
A concerned woman | Source: Midjourney
I waited, heart pounding.
Then he continued, his voice softer. “I told her she deserved it. I had no idea she intended to leave you a bill for using our stuff while you were staying here, Mom.”
Relief washed over me.
“I’m sorry if I caused problems between you two,” I said.
A close up of a woman’s face | Source: Pexels
“Don’t be,” he sighed. “We’ve been having… discussions about family expectations. This just brought things to a head. But Mom?”
“Yes?”
“That was some invoice. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
A man speaking on his phone | Source: Pexels
I laughed. “I raised you, didn’t I? I know a thing or two about standing my ground.”
A week passed. The incident faded from my immediate thoughts as life went on. I was out gardening, up to my elbows in soil, when my phone buzzed with a Venmo alert.
$40 from Brittany.
Caption: To settle my debt. Please don’t charge me interest 😂
A cell phone on a table | Source: Pexels
I let out a laugh so loud the neighbor’s cat jumped from the fence.
That evening, I did what a real grandma would: donated it to the local children’s hospital in Noah’s name.
Because you never beat pettiness with more pettiness — you do it with grace, glitter, and a spreadsheet.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
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