A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Mom assumes baby is safe with dad till she gets a hair rasing text message – she rushes home to see the worst
A significant turning point in many people’s lives is becoming parents. Another human person needs you to be there for them at all times, and they depend entirely on you. However, not everyone is prepared for this level of accountability.
Continue reading to learn more.Angie Setlak was really anxious when she was expecting her son, Xavier. She tried to devote all of her attention to their young son because her partner had been unfaithful.
She had imagined that all would change after the baby boy was born, but that fantasy quickly gave way to a nightmare. She got a message from her partner one day. She didn’t have much time to save their son’s life once she received the message.The worst fear for any parent is that their small child may suffer harm.
No matter how big or small your child is, as a parent you will stop at nothing to ensure their safety.
However, on rare occasions, we also learn of people who are not at all qualified to be parents.
When everything went wrong, Angie Setlak was expecting her and her boyfriend’s kid, Xavier. Her partner was not at all interested in her, even though she was counting down the seconds as her tummy continued to swell.He was unfaithful all the time, breaking Angie’s heart over and over.So things turned upside down again when the son was delivered four weeks early.
His father’s infidelity caused us to have a stressful pregnancy, which had an impact on both the baby and my blood pressure. However, we succeeded, and he was born perfectly healthy. The physicians, who had predicted he would remain in my womb until his due date, were taken aback when he erupted in a fit of rage. After spending 16 days in the hospital, we returned home, and I had three wonderful months at home with my child,” Angie says to Love What Matters.One individual, though, found it difficult to adjust to the new existence.His father and Xavier were left alone one day. Furthermore, Xavier’s father, who was expected to look after the child while mother Angie returned to her job, was unable to cope.Angie was going to start her first job after her maternity leave when she went through something that nobody should have to go through.
She received numerous texts from her partner throughout the day complaining about how hard it was to care for their son. “Xavier’s father had been texting me all day about how difficult his life was, and I assured him that we would find a different way so he wouldn’t have to look after him by himself during the day. She tells the website that during his parental leave, he had only spent a maximum of two hours by himself with him, and it had gone well.The arrangement was for me to look after Xavier during the day while I worked, and for him to look after him at night while he worked. He worked evenings. My spouse kept telling me that everything would be well, even though I was really anxious about the scenario because, after all, he had raised a 10-year-old.But everything changed when the message arrived.He sent his girlfriend a startling text later that day in which Xavier’s father requested whether he might kill the boy. “I received a text from him on my first day back at work after taking maternity leave, asking if he could kill our child right away. I told him I was heading home and asked him not to bother.
Not too long afterward, she got another message.Xavier’s breathing stopped.Mom Angie hurried to the hospital after the small child was taken there immediately.The father insisted that their son had choked on milk, even though the boy had brain damage.Angie soon found out, though.Xavier spent two weeks in a medically induced coma to aid him. They warned his mother that he might not wake up and gradually weaned him off of his medication. We battled against two foes. Trauma and the period of time his brain was devoid of oxygen. I heard everything from “he might never learn to walk, talk, or move” to “he might be blind.” But I remained confident that he will return to me,” the mother remarked. Angie was able to go home with her son after spending 17 days in the hospital.
In contrast, Xavier’s father was taken into custody on charges of abusing his child.Angie claims that the police believed the father had given Xavier a violent shaking that seriously injured his brain.Xavier has had more surgeries since then and is getting stronger every day. The wonderful little Xavier is the only person in his mother Angie’s life; his father has been absent for a long time.”I’m hoping that someone who reads our narrative would be moved to tears and understand how crucial it is to never shake a newborn. You should never, ever shake a baby. Avoiding it is quite simple. My child was irreparably altered by a fit of rage.
This story really breaks my heart. How could the father of a kid commit such a horrific act? Spread the word about this to increase awareness.
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