My house used to be spotless when it was me and my husband. But then his friend came to stay and fights and clashes began. My husband didn’t care how I felt or about the distress I shared. It all finally came right when I took matters into my own hands.
When my husband offered his friend sanctuary at our home, he did it without my consent. Little did I know that having his longterm pal there would become a nightmare. Circumstances pushed me to take drastic measures to remedy things.
A dirty and messy bedroom | Source: Pexels
This is a photo of the bedroom after my husband’s best friend, Alex, had been staying with us for a few weeks. I cannot describe the smell to you, but believe me, it is putrid and unbearable! Alex moved in with us because his house was undergoing major renovations.
To be honest, my husband invited his friend to come live with us without discussing it with me first. I wasn’t happy with this arrangement, asking, “How long will he be here? And why didn’t you talk to me first before making such a drastic decision?”
A couple having a serious conversation | Source: Pexels
“I am sorry, love. I wasn’t thinking straight. I allowed my excitement to control me,” he explained. The poor thing looked sincere in his apology, so I relented. But little did I know that would be a big mistake on MY part.
Initially, it was supposed to be a short-term arrangement, but weeks turned into months. My husband, Jake, thought it would be fun to have his best friend around. But he didn’t consider the extra work it would create for me.
A frustrated woman sitting next to someone | Source: Pexels
“Don’t worry, babe,” Jake said the day Alex arrived, carrying his duffel bag and a box of video games. “It’ll be like old times. We’ll have a blast!” He also vowed that they’d stay out of my way and wouldn’t be a nuisance.
I forced a smile, but inside, I was already dreading the mess and the idea of living with two men. Jake and Alex had been inseparable since college, bonded by their love for gaming and sports. I, on the other hand, liked my peace and order.
A happy man carrying a duffel bag while his friend follows behind | Source: Midjourney
Within days, the house transformed, and NOT in a good way! Empty beer bottles littered the living room, snack wrappers were everywhere, and dirty laundry piled up in Alex’s room! Jake and Alex would stay up late.
All they did since our guest came to stay was play video games or drink beer together. Their laughter echoed through the house, while I tried to sleep with a pillow over my head. I was so overwhelmed by all the extra cleaning I had to do.
An upset woman sitting on a windowsill | Source: Pexels
And to add to that, I was starting to feel increasingly lonely. One evening, after a particularly long day at work, I found the kitchen in shambles. Crumbs covered the counter, the sink was full of dirty dishes, and a mysterious sticky substance featured on the floor.
I couldn’t take it anymore! “This has to STOP!” I said to myself through clenched teeth and balled-up fists. I decided to tackle my issues with Alex alone with my husband. But, he and his friend were glued at the hip and it was hard to get Jake by himself.
A dirty kitchen with used plates, glasses, and mugs | Source: Pexels
When I finally got a small gap where my husband was by himself, I decided to confront him. “Jake, can we talk?” I called from the doorway of his home office, where he was immersed in work while Alex was knee-deep in another video game in the living room.
“Sure, babe. What’s up?” he said, not looking away from the laptop screen. “I can’t keep up with all the cleaning. I need some help around here.” Jake paused what he was doing and turned to me with a dismissive wave.
A man working on a laptop in his home office | Source: Pexels
I must say, I didn’t expect the response I got from him and it really hurt. Brushing my concerns off he replied, “Oh, don’t be such a downer! You just can’t stand that everything is not about you. Besides, it’s only one more room to clean. It’s not a big deal.”
His words stung! I was about to say something back to him when I noticed he’d gone back to his work! He wasn’t acknowledging my presence anymore! I walked away, feeling both angry and hurt. That night, I lay awake, listening to the childhood friends having a great time!
Two men sitting on the floor eating burgers while playing video games | Source: Pexels
Then and there I started planning my next move. I decided to show Jake what “not a big deal” really meant. I figured he needed to experience it firsthand. The next morning, I woke up early and gathered all of Alex’s trash.
Since they slept late, they were going to wake up much later than me. I picked up the empty cans, dirty clothes, and half-eaten food and dumped them all in Jake’s office. By the time they woke up, the room looked like a war zone!
A woman holding a full trash bag | Source: Pexels
“Hey, what the hell?” my husband shouted from his office as soon as he opened the door. I knew throwing all the trash in there would have the most impact since Jake worked from home. He needed that space to be functional.
I didn’t bother responding or attending to him since I knew why he was shouting. Instead, Alex popped in and laughed, “Whoa, bro! Your office is a mess! You should do something about that if you want to get any work done.”
A shocked man standing in a dirty room | Source: Midjourney
Off he went to prepare some breakfast and get back on the couch! Jake didn’t confront me but pushed everything into one corner so he could enter and work. As the days progressed, dirty dishes, random socks, and leftover food piled up in my husband’s office, causing him to freak out.
“I can’t work like THIS!!!” he shouted for the whole house to hear. I walked in with a sweet smile. “It’s only one room to clean, Jake, so do it. Not a big deal, right?” My husband was FURIOUS, but he couldn’t argue with my logic. Alex, on the other hand, looked sheepish.
A frustrated man | Source: Pexels
“Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was that bad,” he mumbled. “Maybe you should help out more,” I suggested and left them to deal with the mess. For a few days, things improved. Jake and Alex tried to keep the house cleaner, but their efforts were half-hearted at best.
The mess crept back, and I felt my frustration rising again. One Friday evening, I couldn’t take it anymore and confronted Jake. We got into a huge fight where he accused me of being a party pooper. Alex even tried mediating, but since he was the main cause of our stress, I told him to stay out of it.
A couple arguing | Source: Freepik
My husband tried defending his friend but that made me angrier. I decided I’d had ENOUGH! I packed a bag and called my best friend, Lisa. “Can I crash at your place for the weekend?” I asked. “Of course, hon. What’s going on?” she replied.
A man watching as his partner leaves their apartment with a bag | Source: Pexels
I explained the situation, and she welcomed me with open arms. That weekend, I enjoyed the calm and cleanliness of Lisa’s apartment. I didn’t have to pick up after anyone, and it was a much-needed break.
An emotional woman being comforted by a friend | Source: Pexels
On Monday morning, my phone buzzed with a call from Jake. “Please come home,” he begged, all desperate and ashamed. “The house is a disaster, and I can’t find anything I need. Alex is impossible to live with!” This man had a nerve calling me after going silent the whole weekend.
But I still felt a pang of sympathy, yet I stayed firm. “I’ll come back when the house is clean, and Alex is gone.” Jake sighed. “Okay, okay. We’ll clean it up immediately. Just please come home today, my love?”
A man talking on the phone in a dirty home office | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll think about it,” I replied, not wanting to commit to anything and make him think he’d won. To my surprise, within minutes he sent me a video of them tidying up the house. I chose not to reply to the message but after discussing the matter with Lisa, I decided to go back home.
Two men cleaning a filthy house | Source: Midjourney
I returned later that day to find the house SPOTLESS! Jake and Alex had scrubbed every inch, and my husband’s friend had packed his bags. “Thanks for the hospitality,” he said sheepishly. “I’ll find somewhere else to stay until the renovations are done.”
A man carrying his luggage bag | Source: Freepik
As Alex left, Jake pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t realize how much work it was. I should have listened to you.” I softened, seeing the genuine regret in his eyes. “It’s okay. I just need us to be a team, not you and Alex against me.”
From that day on, things improved. Jake made an effort to keep the house clean and helped out more. Our home became a place of peace again, and our relationship grew stronger.
A woman hugging her man while he prepares breakfast | Source: Pexels
This is a photo of the extra bedroom after my husband’s best friend stayed with us for a few months. I cannot describe the smell to you, but believe me, it is blissful! Now the torment of having Alex over is just a memory of a lesson learned.
Jake smiled, wrapping his arm around me. “And one we won’t forget.”
A clean bedroom | Source: Pexels
Life returned to normal, but the experience brought us closer. We learned the importance of communication and respecting each other’s space. And I knew that no matter what challenges came our way, we could face them together.
A happy couple hanging out on a windowsill | Source: Pexels
In the following story, a frugal husband needs to learn a valuable lesson after trying to save by collecting food from food banks. His wife got the food bank’s director involved and cunningly they taught him why the poor need such services.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around
A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
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