According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Judge Judy’s Twice-Told Love Story Will Leave You in Awe
When Judge Judy Sheindlin divorced her husband, she was going through a very tough time. But their separation didn’t last long, and later she shared why she chose to marry him again.
Judge Judy Sheindlin is famous for being a TV judge and has a background as a prosecutor and family court judge. She is married to Jerry Sheindlin, who is also a lawyer and a former judge.
Judy and her husband have always supported each other in their legal jobs. When Jerry, who was a judge in New York, got an offer to join “The People’s Court,” he asked Judy for advice.
In an interview, Jerry said, “She is the one who told me I should do it.” He added that he wouldn’t have accepted the role if Judy had doubts about it.
Even with Judy’s big success on TV, Jerry wasn’t worried about competition. He said, “I think that behind every great woman, there is a man. […] But I also heard that behind every great man, there is a woman.”
Jerry started leaving his job as a Supreme Court judge when he began filming for “The People’s Court.” This new job, where he handled about 10 cases a day for two days a week, was much easier than the 150 cases he used to manage.
Judy and Jerry’s relationship has always been tied to their shared legal careers. They first met in a bar after Jerry had just defended a murder case.
While talking to a reporter, Judy walked in, pointed at him, and asked, “And who is this?” Jerry replied, “Lady, get your finger out of my face.” Since then, they have been together.
While Jerry enjoyed watching Judy’s success on TV, he joked, “If my show takes off and I beat her, I am contacting Hollywood to remake ‘Sleeping With the Enemy.’”
Their relationship grew with their boldness and humor. After a year together, Judy hinted at marriage, but Jerry had some doubts.
He said, “Why does the government have to dictate our relationship? It’s just a piece of paper. We’re already committed to each other.” Instead of pushing him, Judy suggested that if Jerry wanted them to live together, he should ask her dad for permission. Not wanting to face her father, Jerry chose to set a wedding date, and they married in 1977.
Though they were very committed to each other, their relationship hit a rough patch in 1990 when they divorced. The strain came after Judy’s father passed away, which put her under a lot of emotional stress. However, they remarried just a year later.
Jerry shared his feelings about that tough time, saying, “I missed her presence the very first week we were separated. It was strange not seeing her every day.”
Meanwhile, Judy admitted she enjoyed being married and missed Jerry when they were apart. She believed there was something special about sharing life as a couple.
After they got back together, Judy talked about their brief split in an interview. When asked why she decided to reunite with Jerry in 1991, she said, “That’s a long story, but the end is: I found that most men were alike.”
Judy shared her views on the differences between men and women. She said men have different basic needs. They like being cared for, receiving affection, and having their personal space. If they are fed, shown love, and given room to do their own thing, they are usually happy.
She has always been open about the dynamics of her long marriage with Jerry. In a January 2024 interview, she talked about how they have kept their relationship strong for nearly 50 years.
“You don’t spend 24 hours together because that’s deadly,” she explained, stressing the importance of personal space. Judy added, “Jerry just celebrated his 90th birthday, and I still like looking at him when he walks in the room—that’s a key.”
Judy, who will turn 82 on October 21, 2024, has always talked about how important it is to look good as you age. However, when it comes to Jerry, she doesn’t need to remind him—he already knows how to stay healthy.
“He loves himself dearly. Jerry is almost ten years older than I am, but I think his goal is to outlive me. He takes very good care of himself,” said the TV star, who once had a mini-stroke while filming a show.
Judy and Jerry’s lasting bond continues to win over fans, both on and off the screen. In a heartfelt Facebook post, she shared a picture of them together, which received a lot of love from followers.
One person commented, “You and your husband look so good together. Love your smiles,” while another said, “You look amazing. Love your common sense judgments.”
Judy Sheindlin and Jerry Sheindlin’s long-lasting relationship shows the power of love, respect, and shared laughter. After nearly five decades together, their bond remains strong, proving that true companionship can last through all of life’s challenges.
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