Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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A famous star was hospitalized.
A representative for Oprah Winfrey just revealed on Instagram that the author will be making an appearance on CBS Mornings to discuss her most recent book recommendation.Sadly, over the weekend, the well-liked host contracted a stomach virus.Gayle King assumed command and gave the reason behind Winfrey’s absence.A spokesman for Winfrey told CNN in a statement on Tuesday that “Ms. Winfrey is recovering from a stomach virus and was given an IV due to dehydration at the recommendation of her doctor.”
“She is getting more rest and improving every day.”Winfrey admitted to her best friend and journalist that she “couldn’t keep enough water down to stay hydrated” in a video chat that was shared on Gayle King’s Instagram page. This ultimately caused Winfrey to visit the hospital.King assured viewers that despite the health setback, Winfrey will eventually “be OK.”
She said, “I hope sharing that detail doesn’t bother her.”During a joint interview with the New York Times in January, Winfrey and King expressed their deep relationship and gave one other high accolades.She tells the truth with brutality. Even if it’s not what you want to hear,” King once observed in reference to Winfrey.
“[We] really, really enjoy each other.”In January of last year, Winfrey demonstrated that, at seventy, she is still in excellent physical shape.The media titan was seen running on the beach with her dog and another woman in the footage that she shared on Instagram.She thanked everyone who had sent her birthday greetings in the caption, praising health as the greatest gift.
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